…than nibble on mediocrity." This was a meme I found over the weekend and it fits with my situation quite well. I’ve recently started having more issues at work than I have in the past. Let’s just say that not everyone is happy for me to have become a PMF finalist and I’m trying not to let their negativity rain on my parade. It’s been a struggle though and I’m trying to keep positive.
While I understand their point of view in that they are losing an employee they have come to rely on, it still hurts to feel like some of the people I work with are actively hoping I fail to find a position in this program. It’s been no secret that I would be looking to move on when I completed my degree. I’ve been up front and honest with them about that since I started, and yet somehow, it seems to be a shock to some that I’m openly seeking other employment.
To me, becoming a PMF finalist is an honor. It’s a reward for a lot of hard work and dedication that I’ve put into both my degree program and my career. To find a position as a fellow would be the epitome of all I’ve been working towards. It’s a federal position and everyone I’ve spoken to has told me if I can get a federal position, to go for it. They actually attempt to compete with the private sector, a feat the state cannot afford to do.
So often, I feel like I leave positions when I’ve had enough instead of just moving on to bigger and better things. I move onto those better things too, but it’s with a bitter aftertaste and a tainted view of former coworkers I used hold in utmost respect. Not every job has ended this way, but it seems more common among professionals I would describe as almost codependent. Individuals who are so needy and controlling that they’d rather sabotage someone’s happiness and future than be left behind. My entire office is filled with codependents on various points on the spectrum between dominant and submissive. An article I recently read sums up almost every person in my office, from the indecisive leadership at the top level, to the needy and insecure attorneys at a middle level, to the support staff who lack the support from above to make a real change in the dynamics.
Recently, I’ve had a few interviews for PMF positions I’ve applied to and I’m hopeful that a job offer will be coming in the near future. While I cannot start until almost summer due to the program requirements that I finish my degree, at least having an offer would give me the peace of mind of knowing that I’m almost out. The old saying or prayer to change the things I can’t accept and accept the things I can’t change needs a third option: if I cannot change or accept something, perhaps I need to remove that thing from my life.
Due to the reactions of a few individuals at work, I’ve refrained from sharing my excitement for the PMF hiring process and have decided to just wait until I have an offer in hand and can let them know my tentative start date (as any offer will be tentative following a background investigation). I’ve even stopped discussing school to preserve my own emotional and mental health, which saddens me because I want to share my journey and, up until recently, many of my coworkers wanted to share in it with me.
Regardless of what they think, I’m proud of myself and I’m looking towards my future with hope and faith that the best is yet to come.