Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Proposal Watch 2013

So, when I first came up with the title of this entry, I was thinking of the Buffy episode where Mr. Trick hijacked Buffy and Cordelia in a limo on their way to a dance (possibly prom? I don’t remember). However, I’m pretty sure the title of that particular episode, or at least, the video that Mr. Trick showed them after the limo had abandoned them in an open field, was “Slayerfest ‘99.” Oh well.

Eric apparently picked up the ring from the jeweler a couple of weeks ago. He’s since shown it to his entire family and our mutual friend Cassie. I, obviously, have not seen it, though he has described it to me. From the sounds of things, he hasn’t decided on a proposal, although, as I told him, my standards are not significantly high. My ex proposed to me by blocking the door to my basement apartment’s tiny bathroom while I was taking out my contacts. There was no ring involved, and apparently no thought process either, but I was also fiancé #3 or #4, so perhaps the pomp and circumstance went to fiancés 1-3.

His family, surprisingly, has been very receptive to the idea. I thought at least someone would point out that it was too soon, but thus far, he has yet to meet with any opposition. Sadly I do not expect the same luck from my own family. With the recent break up with Derrick still on their minds (and more than a few of them expecting us to reunite) added to the quick moving relationship I had with my ex husband (also following a break up with Derrick), I am resigned to the skepticism I am likely to encounter. The only thing I can do at this point is let time prove them wrong. Things are not the same as they were with my ex, and I can only hope that as we move forward, my family will come around. I don’t think they are against Eric himself or have any issues with him, but I do think that the speed of an engagement would concern them.

Still, my concerns about becoming engaged too soon are withering, and it helped significantly when Eric recently met many of my immediate family members to include my sister, father and my father’s fiancé. We attended a local fair with my sister and stopped by my father’s house as it had been quite a while since my daughter had seen him. There, Eric met my father and his fiancé, having already met my sister at the fair. He seemed to fit in well and my father’s fiancé asked what he did for a living, which helped to establish that he meets their criteria of being gainfully employed!

The one thing I can say, in spite of my fears regarding the reaction of family and friends, is that I am ready. I’m ready to give marriage another shot, a true shot, knowing exactly what I’m getting myself into. I want to do it right this time, no shotgun wedding, no second guessing, and with a willing heart. I did my ex husband a disservice when I married him against not only my family’s objections, but also my own.

I can also say with a sense of conviction that, much as I still care for Derrick, a marriage between us really wouldn’t have worked. He’s one of my best friends and he and I always connected on so many levels. But the work required for a marriage is something he wasn’t ready to put forth, and I can see a major difference between my frustrations of last year at this time with trying to make something work on my own, and my feelings now. No relationship is easy, but I can see now that moving in together was the true test for my relationship with Derrick and it is a test we failed miserably. It’s amazing how much our break up improved not only our relationship, but the one Derrick shared with my daughter. Once he was no longer attempting to discipline her on a regular basis, their relationship gradually returned to a friendly one. My daughter is still not 100% comfortable with Derrick, but she has relented in her refusals to have much to do with him. I don’t know what will happen when our lease ends and Derrick and I go our separate ways, but I do know that at least we will part on good terms.

So, the proposal watch continues. Awhile ago, Eric had told me he would probably wait until November, but now I’m not sure what his plan is. Seeing as he’s already told his family, I can’t imagine he’s going to wait too long. I will admit that I am nervous, but mostly excited. I feel like I’m finally getting a real chance at love. It’s funny though, if you had told me 6 months ago that I would be engaged to Eric, I would have thought you were crazy. We hadn’t even re-entered each other’s lives at that point. But life is crazy sometimes, and my life has been exceptionally crazy, so I’ve learned to just go with it! I will definitely post again whenever it happens. Feels weird to see “when” instead of “if” but I don’t think there’s any denying it now.

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