Milestones (originally written in October of 2025)

Friday is my 10 year wedding anniversary.

When my husband and I first got married, we talked about returning to where we went on our honeymoon to renew our vows for our 10 year anniversary. My daughter would be 18 by then and could leave the country without any problems from her dad. And 10 years felt like such a huge milestone to celebrate. I remember being excited about that plan.

What I didn't anticipate was that instead of celebrating the milestone, I find myself wanting to honor it instead, both the good and poignant parts of it. Ten years of marriage may seem like a drop in the bucket to some, but it seemed like something huge to me. And now, with the realization that it will likely be our last milestone, I'm more focused on honoring what we had than celebrating a future that will never be.

In my last entry, I wrote about feeling like I was at a crossroads. Six months later, I picked up my lantern and chose a path. It's a path that doesn't include my husband and, in two and a half months, will mean moving out on my own.

The decision wasn't an easy one, but I have no doubt that it is the right one. My husband and I have mostly been moving forward together because of inertia and I just can't keep living like this. I told him, several times over the years, that I wasn't happy, that we weren't in a good place. The job situation was basically just the last straw for me. For the record, I'm still employed where I was, I still love my job, but Eric's lack of support was the final nail in the coffin for this marriage. Especially when I was offered a job that would have kept me small and he was willing to bend over backwards to make that one work since it paid far less than I currently make. But I realized he wasn't willing to do anything to allow me to stay in the job I loved that allows me to grow.

Of course, as soon as Eric finally realized that I was serious, he started doing everything he could to save the marriage. But the truth is, I've been mourning this relationship for at least a year. Things started to get bad during COVID when he took on more and more responsibilities at work. Then he took a job after I advised him against it. That job required even more time from him, which meant less time for us and the marriage. In 2023, we got in a huge fight and I told him something had to give as our marriage wasn't sustainable on its current trajectory. And he future faked me, perhaps unintentionally, but it still hurt all the same. He promised things would get better when "x" happened. Only "x" never happened and things continued to progressively get worse.

Meanwhile, I took on more of the emotional and mental labor of the household and our marriage, pouring more and more of myself into it and not receiving anything back. Recently, I told him the well had run dry and for some inexplicable reason, he promised he would "dig another well" as if that was a real solution. When I asked him what he meant by that, he couldn't really articulate an answer, which further demonstrated to me that he still hasn't done the real, internal work necessary to fix things and everything he has done continues to feel performative to me.

And since all of this has come to light, I feel like we're still spending most of our time talking about him, what he's doing, what he wants, what he needs/needs to do. So, once again, I'm put on the backburner.

But I've been doing a lot of internal work on myself. I recently discovered shadow work and it was eye opening. I feel like I'm moving to a better version of me. I've outgrown this relationship and I'm slowly moving toward the person I think I was always meant to be. I've stopped making myself small at work. I've started pushing myself out of my comfort zone and owning my ideas, and it's paying off. One of my ideas for how to do something differently at work is being implemented and I'm being given the opportunity to assist in its implementation. My writing has matured and I've even started a new project that has been fun and has reintroduced what I love about writing in the first place.

At home, I've basically said everything except the words "I want a divorce." Part of it was that I wanted time to make sure I was making the right decision. Part of it was to see if I could come back from the point of no return. But mostly, I think I was just buying myself time to figure out logistics. My daughter is in a grueling semester at college and I wanted to wait until she finished it.

(Update as of February 2026)

And then even when I finally said those words, somehow they didn't take. My husband showed me a side of him I wasn't expecting and it really brought into question my emotional safety. So, I walked it back to a trial separation. Whatever it took to get me out of the house. I left at the beginning of the year and I'm slowly positioning my life to where I can revisit that divorce conversation.

The sad thing is barely anyone in my life knows what I did. Since he insisted on framing it as a trial separation, we agreed not to tell our families. I assume he still hasn't told his, and while I had planned to tell mine this week, the reason for disclosing was canceled, so I no longer felt an urgency to say anything. My coworkers know. My daughter, obviously, knows since she moved with me. But that's it. It's been lonely, but also? It's been surprisingly peaceful.

Crossroads

 I find myself facing a turbulent time. First, my job is impacted by the recent election. While I'd prefer not to say how for anonymity's sake, it's enough that I'm concerned. I started looking for a new one, but my heart isn't in it. Except for very early in my career, I've mostly moved on from jobs of my own accord, when I was ready to leave. I love my job. I love the people I work with... One of them perhaps more than I should, but I've maintained a professional distance. "Admiring from afar" if you will, as he lives in a different state and I've only met him IRL twice.

Anyway, last year, I realized how much I love my job when my division split. I took it especially hard. I already have issues with change, and that's even when I'm the one orchestrating the change. Last year was different. I was completely blindsided. Since then, things have gotten better. I adjusted. The person mentioned above returned to my division, which was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because, besides my romantic feelings, I do really just enjoy working with him. And a curse because, well, I might have gotten over my crush if we didn't work so closely anymore.

All of that may not matter if I lose my job. There have been some assurances from higher ups about my specific area, that we may not be subject to the same cuts as other places. But nobody can make any promises and so I'm left in a state of limbo... waiting for the proverbial ax to fall.

To make matters more complicated, and stressful, the job market is highly competitive and with all the cuts going on, it's only going to get more so. Eric isn't helping things because he just keeps telling me to get a new job, basically any job, that has more security than my current one. His philosophy is that if I can get out of the current situation, I can continue to look for something I really want. But it's not that simple. And I'm 41. I don't want to do the job hopping I did in my late 20's and early 30's. I've been in my position for over 3 years and, for once, I'm not ready to jump ship. Usually 3 years is my limit, where I start looking for a change, but this time is different. I'm happy. And I can't tell you how hard I've searched for a job where I'm happy.

Ironically, where I'm not happy is with Eric. Beyond his complete lack of understanding about how difficult the job market is, he's also completely oblivious to how different our situations are. He's up for a promotion that he's ambivalent about. We've had so many fights about his job and how much of his time it takes up. This promotion has the potential to alleviate some of his stress, but he's not sure it's work he wants to do. Meanwhile, it's perfectly fine for me to just take whatever I can find, but not him, I guess. Oh, but that's not even true because some of the jobs I've found involve huge pay cuts and well, that would impact our current lifestyle, so he's vetoed those as well.

For those keeping score at home, that means I need to find a new job making roughly what I'm making now asap with little to no impact to him and no real concern with whether it's something I want to do. This situation has quickly become the final straw for me in a relationship that may have run its course. I feel like for the past 5 years, I've just been going through the motions, ignoring the glaring red flags because we were comfortable. But things have just been steadily declining.

To make matters worse, my daughter has basically held a mirror up to my relationship in recent weeks. Now that she's almost an adult, she feels a lot more comfortable telling me the cracks she's seen for years. While she's not encouraging me to leave, she is forcing me to face realities I was happy to just ignore.

So, I find myself at multiple crossroads. The job one may be decided for me if cuts do come down to my organization. But if I don't voluntarily choose to leave, that may cause more issues in my relationship. At this time, I don't know what I want to do there. On the one hand, as one of my coworkers said to me today, there is something about the economic security that it provides for both Eric and I. On the other hand, the romantic/idealist side of me doesn't feel that's enough of a reason to stay where I'm not happy.

Of course, a part of me is also worried this is some sort of mid-life crisis, especially since my daughter just started college. I don't want to make any rash decisions, either about my marriage or the job situation. At the same time, I may not have much of a choice on the one.

Clearly, I have a lot to consider, and the best way for me to work through it all is to write it down. I don't know if I'll continue to pour it all out here, but I definitely need to get it out somewhere.

Lucifer

 So with the return of the Show Which Will Not Be Named earlier this month, I was bound and determined to find something as anti-that show as possible. Enter Lucifer.

I went into this show knowing absolutely nothing about it, but you can't get much more opposite of the so-called "wholesome, family-friendly" show-that-will-not-be-named than a show about the literal devil. All I knew was it was on Netflix, it was only 6 seasons (I had just finished two very long series: Suits and Call the Midwife, so I was looking for something a little shorter), and it looked fun.

This turned out to be such a good decision. The show is hilarious and I find myself trying to squeeze in episodes whenever I can. I love the dynamic between Lucifer and Chloe. I've laughed so hard at some of the zinger lines, and I really like Tom Ellis' acting (and singing) ability.

And as aggravating as I can sometimes find the "two steps forward, 5,000 steps back" aspect of the romantic relationship between Lucifer and Chloe, I also think it keeps the show interesting. Something that other show could really learn from. I'm on season 5, and I'm as invested in their relationship as I was when it was first hinted at during the first season.

I think one thing that keeps it fresh are the reasons why things aren't always progressing in a linear path for the detective and Lucifer. The emotional growth of Lucifer's character is slow, but believable. And the revelations of who Chloe and Lucifer are, and what they are to each other, helps to create realistic roadblocks to the relationship, even when they're based on fantastical elements.

It makes me wish that that other show would have built more interesting storylines for the characters. Find things to drive them apart and then pull them back together in a way that keeps you rooting for them. I felt like they did that fairly well in the early seasons before a certain character was killed off. But then, Lucifer also incorporates the ensemble cast in a way that makes viewers invested in several different storylines. That other show started doing that more after season 5, but by then, they'd already angered a lot of fans. The love triangle being introduced in season 6 just exacerbated a problem and then they blew it all up with the retcon last season that I still refuse to watch.

Speaking of, Lucifer has had some love triangles too. First with Dan, then Cain/Pierce, then Eve. But I feel they handled it better because Lucifer was always the end goal for Chloe and vice versa. If that other show had gone in with a clear "winner" in mind, maybe some of the fan division and in-fighting wouldn't have been so bad. Though some of the fans are honestly insane, so...maybe they would have still sent the death threats to actors and fans on the opposite team.

Anyway, I'm actually thinking once I finish this initial run through of Lucifer, I might go back and rewatch it so I can enjoy it more knowing what's going to happen. It's funny that this show I stumbled upon simply because I wanted something completely different has quickly become one of my favorite shows of all time!

So long, and thanks for all the fish-y plotlines!

 Dear WCTH writers, the first rule of writing is show, don't tell. You can tell us over and over again how "honorable" Elizabeth is, but actions speak louder than words and you aren't showing her acting very honorably.

But it seems the show is completely ignoring canon and trying to reverse the direction they chose in season 8. Congrats on jumping the shark! And Brian Bird thinks it's going to last as long as the Simpsons? 😂😂😂 I don't even watch the Simpsons and I know that's highly unlikely. Unless their goal is to emulate daytime soap operas in their entirety. Interesting choice for an allegedly "wholesome" and "Christian" show.

As an aside, I know I'm 100% in the minority here, but the hint that Abigail might return was the final nail in the coffin for me. Someone tweeted asking if people would stick with the show if she returned and I'm giving an emphatic hell no. I personally have no desire to see Lori Loughlin return to the show. For a while, I thought Minnie might be the new "matriarch" of the town, but I've read that this season her screen time was limited to a BBQ? Great choice... I wasn't sad to see Abigail go based on the way Lori behaved after the season 5 finale and due to how long it took her to acknowledge her crime. I'm not sure she learned any lesson from what she did. 

Besides, the town has moved on without her, so I don't see what good it would do to regress. Though, I suppose, that was the entire goal of season 10, wasn't it? To regress the show back to season 8 so they could revisit the triangle? There were so many creative ways they could have caused a break-up without obliterating the story they'd already told. Would fans have still been upset? Possibly, but as I said before, if they weren't straight up lying about what happened, fans might have at least respected their honesty even if they disagreed with the decision.

Anyway, I've already spent way too much time on this stupidity. So long WCTH and thanks for all the fish-y plotlines! 

Fool Me Twice...

Throughout all of season 5 of When Calls the Heart, Brian Bird continued to assure fans on social media that "Everything's Going to Be Okay" or "EGBOK" for short. And then, Jack died and we learned what we'd long suspected: that Daniel Lissing was leaving the show.

After the finale aired, confirming hearties' worst fears, I wasn't angry at Daniel Lissing for making a career decision. I wasn't even mad that they killed off Jack. Was I annoyed that it took us 5 seasons to finally see Elizabeth and Jack get married? Of course, especially since we went from a wedding to a funeral in like 5 episodes. It sucked. Nobody was happy. Hearties took to Twitter to express their anger and frustration. I remember even having a moment of schadenfreude the next season when Lori Laughlin got fired because after season 5, she called out hearties for having a "bad" reaction. She went on and on about how many people would have lost their jobs if they canceled the show after the wedding. Someone pushed back and told her to "let us grieve" and she finally shut up. But I never forgot the way she reacted to the backlash and when the story came out about the investigation into her part of the college scandal, a part of me felt vindicated because her own actions could have put the show in jeopardy. I honestly wasn't sure if the show could survive after losing two prominent characters in Jack and Abigail.

No, what angered me at the time was being lied to, for an entire season, by someone who proudly calls himself a "pot stirrer." Well, Brian, sometimes over stirring the pot causes the contents to boil over, leaving a big, burnt mess. And that's what happened after season 5. I'm not saying they should have had spoilers. I get it, the shock value of losing a major character was "good for ratings." But telling us everything was going to be okay when it clearly was not pissed me off. For someone who preaches his "Christian values", constantly on social media, I didn't expect to be so blatantly lied to.

So, it pains me to acknowledge how much my aggravation at the show is my own fault. I, once again, made the mistake to trust someone who had already lied to me once. Brian Bird not only stated the triangle was resolved, he defended the decision to go with Lucas. He didn't back down from the backlash from Team Nathan. In the face of so much vitriol for not only the characters, but the actors, the writers, the showrunner, and Brian Bird himself, he stood firm.

But now, I'm hearing interviews where the new showrunner decided to break Elizabeth and Lucas up at the end of the season and worked backwards from that action. Where the man who defended choosing Lucas as a way to tell more stories and "breathe life" into the show, is now acting like this was "always Casablanca." I'm sorry, when was Elizabeth running from Nazis? WWII hasn't even started yet in the timeline of the show and WWI is over, though you'd never know it had happened in the quiet town of Hope Valley. And if we're going with the Casablanca angle, is Daniel Lissing coming back to reprise his dead character? Because that's the only way any of these claims are plausible.

What's ironic to me is that I've seen claims from Mr. Bird that if Elizabeth and Lucas got married, they wouldn't have new stories to tell. Well, that's weird. If Jack hadn't died, would that have been the end of the story? Rosemary and Lee got married, and the story continued. Other couples have gotten married on the show and the story continued. Why is this relationship the one that would end the story?

Still, that's not even what I'm mad about. As I've said before, I was team "tell a better story" and honestly would have been just as happy if Elizabeth chose neither man at the end of season 8 and stayed single. But since we were told that she would be making a choice and ending the triangle, I was hoping for Lucas simply because I didn't want to revisit the Mountie storyline again. Even a blended family didn't feel like enough of a change to the love story we'd already seen between Elizabeth and Jack.

I'm angry because I'm being gaslit. I was married to a narcissist and I got out of that relationship because of gaslighting, among other reasons. The last thing I need is to be gaslit by a television show. WCTH is supposed to be about hope. It's supposed to be an escape. Instead, I'm feeling like I'm once again in an abusive relationship, questioning what I thought was true and watching a complete revision of history. From a television show. I suppose my one consolation is that this is a much easier "relationship" to leave, but it doesn't change the fact that the behavior is triggering.

If they wanted to kowtow to Team Nathan, then fine. It's not the direction I would have chosen, but it's not my show. They could be upfront and say they thought they made a mistake choosing Lucas and needed to course correct. I doubt I'd continue on with the show for the reasons I stated above, but I could at least respect their honesty.

But that's just it. They're not being honest. We're being told it was "always Casablanca." They're painting this revisionist history where Elizabeth never actually loved Lucas, despite all the receipts I've seen from Team Lucas demonstrating the contrary. The worst is, they literally pulled lines directly from Team Nathan in the last episode, which is making this all sound like some awful fan fiction. If I had known that WCTH was going to be a clean version of 50 Shades of Gray (which, if anyone wasn't aware, started out as fan fiction of Twilight) I would have stopped watching after season 5.

I recently saw a TL fan who is holding onto hope that this is all a ruse. Again, I haven't watched season 10, but I've read enough spoilers to have an idea of the plot/overarching storyline. This fan is hoping that Elizabeth and Lucas are playacting a break-up because of a threat to protect one or both of them. The idea is the ruse will be revealed in the finale and all will be well, but honestly, I think that's even worse. For one, jerking TN around like that is just cruel. But at this point, bringing up the triangle again at all was stupid. It's splitting the fanbase yet again and causing a lot of poor behavior on both sides. Several hearties, including ones who weren't on a team like me, are over it and walking away. Though Mr. Bird apparently says only "drips and drabs" of fans will leave the show, and for his and the actors' sake, I hope he's right.

But he also said that the teams were something the fans did, and not something WCTH cast and crew created or encouraged. That is the biggest load of horse manure I've seen from him yet. There is literally a tweet from him in the middle of season 6 on May 6th, 2019 that says "Too early for #TeamNate and #TeamLucas, #Hearties?" So, don't give me the bs that the "fans" created the teams. And let's be real, any time there is a love triangle in any form of media whether book (see Edward vs Jacob), television show (see Stefan vs Damon, Max vs Simon), or movie (see Mark Darcy vs Daniel Cleaver), there are bound to be teams rooting for each character. 

I'm not buying what he's desperately trying to sell. You can't create a monster and then, when you inevitably lose control of said monster, wave your hands and proclaim your innocence. There are literally dozens of tweets from him fanning the flames of the teams, including the one I mentioned above. I've honestly never seen a show creator be as involved in promoting the show on social media as that man, and after this experience, I can see why others stay out of it.

He's also said that fans are leaving because they didn't get their guy. That's rich since the only reason several TN fans have returned is because the script was flipped and now their guy is the choice. And while I cannot speak for the TL fans, for me, it has very little to do with not having a specific character as the love interest. Going back to the Vampire Diaries from my earlier entry, I was very much team Stefan. But I watched even when Elena started dating Damon all the way to the nonsensical ending of the series and the continuous revolving door of death (they really ruined that show). So, no, I'm not leaving because of one storyline or one character, I'm leaving because I'm not going to allow myself to be gaslit by revisionist history and the assassination of a character I've loved for 9 years.

And if I wanted to read bad fanfiction, there are plenty of places I can find that. I don't need to see it on my TV screen.

When Calls the... Shark

 If you've never heard the phrase "jumping the shark" in reference to a television show, consider yourself lucky. It started thanks to an episode of Happy Days, where the Fonz jumped a shark. It basically refers to when a show has gone completely off the rails and is no longer following a comprehensive storyline.

I will preface this by saying that I haven't watched any of Season 10 of When Calls the Heart. Initially, this was because of timing. It premiered at the end of July, which was a busy time for me and then I was on vacation for two weeks in August. But honestly, by the time I'd reached a point where I could start watching it again, the things I was seeing on social media were giving me pause. Suddenly, it was like we were back in 2021 Season 8, and the triangle had been brought back from the depths of hell.

Instead of watching my beloved show burn in real time, I watched the smoldering each week on social media. "Team Lucas" fans were very unhappy. That is likely an understatement. But I expressed to my husband my feeling that the show was going in a direction I wouldn't enjoy, and that I wanted to wait until the end of the season to see if it was even worth watching.

Based on fan reaction to tonight's episode, I'm going to say I made the right decision and that at this point, I have no intention to watch season 10. To go from giving fans an engagement to a break-up defnitely feels like the show has jumped the shark. Honestly what I think happened is that enough Team Nathan fans followed through on their promise to boycott that the show decided to backpedal to try to win them back. And in the process, they fucked everything up.

Back in 2021, I posted about the ongoing fan drama. Honestly, part of the reason I've steered clear from this season was the fan base. There's passionate, and then there's obsession, and the return of the obsession put a sour taste in my mouth. At the end of season 8, I pointed out that I wasn't ever Team Lucas in the traditional sense. I was "team tell a better story." And based on several interviews I read around that time, I thought the show runners were on the same page. Elizabeth had been with a mountie already. We'd had that epic love story, though it was cut short. I was excited to see the new direction they were going.

Now, I'm going to deviate from Team Lucas fans by saying that Season 9 wasn't really all that interesting to me, but it had nothing to do with Elizabeth's choice. Instead, it had everything to do with the rehashing of the mine disaster. The mine disaster happened before season 1. And we spent significant time on it, so when it came up again, I was more than a little over it. 

But then, there are a few things that have left me scratching my head over the years. For instance, Henry's redemption arc. I understand when Abigail left, it made it more difficult for the writers to help him find forgiveness. But when they started trying to make Henry look like the unsung hero of the mine disaster with the out-of-nowhere discovery of the mine company's response to his concerns for unsafe conditions, it felt like it was cheapening his arc. The Henry who burned evidence, harassed witnesses, threatened a good man's name, and attempted to bribe a judge is not a Henry who would have warned the mine company of unsafe conditions. I'm sorry, I just can't buy it. And I honestly preferred the idea of him finding redemption through becoming a better man, not pretending he always was a good one.

I think sometimes WCTH's tear jerker storylines help to muddle the questionable directions the show has taken. But when I've watched it from the beginning, things like Henry's storyline or Lee's sudden concern for finding a "calling" just don't add up. And now, we have another thing that doesn't add up: Lucas and Elizabeth breaking up.

Look, if the writers wanted to cotow to Team Nathan fans, they could have gotten there through more honest means. People do break up, even fan favorites in TV shows. Instead of pretending season 8 and 9 never happened, the writers could have focused on Elizabeth and Lucas growing apart. They could have written it in a way where Elizabeth's heart wasn't in it anymore not that her heart was never his. I think they could have avoided blowing up the fan base drama again.

That said, as I noted in my posts back in 2021, everything is for ratings, and I can see how blowing up the fan base again would be great for ratings, at least short term. They've certainly caught Team Nathan fans up in the frenzy, but I've seen people who weren't team anyone express how sick of the triangle they are. So, they may have done more damage than if they had just chosen Nathan in the first place.

The writers ignored their own cannon at their peril. To pretend that Elizabeth never loved Lucas is to ignore the very real feelings portrayed in season 8 and 9. Not to mention, what kind of a single mom would allow someone to get that close to their child if they didn't truly love them? It perpetuates the negative stereotypes around single mothers that exist even in our modern world. Like I said before, I understand that things sometimes don't work out, that relationships don't always last forever. But from what I've seen, that's not how this was handled, and that is why I think the show jumped the shark.

One thing that I've been feeling even before this season was that the show needed to find a natural conclusion. And I was heartened to see that a few hearties felt the same. Nothing lasts forever, and I have found that I prefer when shows end before they start to ruin things. For instance, I was a big Vampire Diaries fan up until Elena turned into a vampire, which is when the show jumped the shark in my opinion. Had the show ended before that, I might enjoy re-watching it. But I can't because, unlike WCTH, I witnessed the degradation of the quality in those last few seasons. What would have been nice is if WCTH had ended this season with a wedding and a promise of a HEA. Instead, I'll borrow a stance my husband holds about the Star Wars movies and just pretend season 10 doesn't exist.

I'd love to say that if they kept Elizabeth single instead of running into Nathan's arms, I might be willing to stick with the show. But honestly, the way this was handled has just overshadowed the good parts, and it's just not worth my time.

AirBNB is the literal worst

 Like so many other people on Reddit, I find myself fighting with this terrible company over what was supposed to be a trip of a lifetime: a week in Hawaii.

A bit of backstory: my mom always wanted to go to Hawaii. It was her dream vacation, but unfortunately, she never made it. In fact, when she found out that the cancer treatment wasn't working and she had little time left, her first words were "I want to go to Hawaii." But by then, she was too sick to make such a long trip.

My brother and sister have both been, and as an early 40th birthday present, I was finally going to go this week. In some ways, I felt like I was making the trip my mother was never able to. I'd planned this vacation for a year. I stepped out of my comfort zone and sought advice from a coworker who had visited several times. I researched places to stay, planned a vacation starting in Oahu, and then going to Maui with lots of fun excursions, mostly on Lahaina.

And then last week, the fires broke out. I was horrified for the people of Maui. The more news that comes out, the worse it gets. I just read that the fire hydrants had no water. The failures that contributed to this disaster make me angry for the Hawaiian people. So many avoidable failures. It breaks my heart. And obviously I could not, in good conscience, vacation on an island that had faced so much tragedy.

Now, I've never gone to an Airbnb before, but my siblings have and my sister especially seems to have good experiences. So, I thought we could try it. It'd be more comfortable for the three of us than a hotel room.

When I first found out about the fires, I contacted the host for the place I'd booked. He assured me his area of Maui wasn't impacted and it would be fine. I should note that this host lives in Los Angeles and was getting this information second hand. Meanwhile, the governor issued several proclamations discouraging nonessential travel to Maui. After talking it over with my husband and my brother (who we are scheduled to visit before continuing on to Hawaii), I decided to move our plans to a different island. I extended our stay on Oahu and then booked a room at a hotel on the big island.

Here's where things get fun, and I mean that sarcastically. I contacted my host, but he refused to refund us because we were beyond the partial refund date. Honestly, based on what I've since learned about Airbnb hosts, I'm not surprised. But Airbnb has an extenuating circumstances policy. Under the policy, they allow for full refund cancelations for natural disasters and for declarations of a state of emergency.

At first, they were only granting this policy to people with stays booked through August 10th, then they extended it to the 14th, then the 15th, and last I heard, the 16th. While the 15th made sense when the state of emergency was first issued, it's since been extended to August 31st. Yet Airbnb is STILL adding dates to the policy one day at a time. If they continue this trend, I might be able to get a refund tomorrow, but I'm frankly sick of contacting them.

Nowhere in this policy does it say it's subject to certain dates. A state of emergency was declared for the whole island, and there are several news articles stating that this policy applies to all of Maui, not just the areas impacted. I've seen inconsistency in the application of this policy in posts on Reddit and other sites where people with dates in September are getting full refunds, but I continue to be told my stay doesn't qualify even though it literally starts this Friday.

My plan is to give it one more shot, though I'm not sure when I'll have time. Tomorrow we leave for the first leg of our journey which isn't even in Hawaii. I have travel insurance, but this is likely not a covered event since my specific reservation was not directly impacted. But I have some other ideas for how to get refunded, including disputing the charges with my credit card. I've heard that can get you banned from Airbnb, but as I have no intention of ever using them again, I'm not sure I care.

What I do know is that I will never, ever use Airbnb again. Not just for this situation, but also because I've since learned that hosts are buying up all the housing on the islands and the locals can't afford to live there anymore. This is despicable and I wish I had done more research before booking with this company at all. From now on, I'll stick to hotels. Until Airbnb is better regulated (assuming that ever happens), I just can't support their unethical policies, or the fact that they don't even stick to their own policies anyway, whether ethical or not.

If you're considering using Airbnb, my advice is just don't. Maybe if enough people stop using them, they'll eventually go away. Their Better Business Bureau ranking says a lot about how many people, hosts and guests, hate them, so I'll hold onto hope that one day the company will disappear.