I finished A Court of Wings and Ruin last night, and now my aggravation turns to Feyre.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
Ok, so, we've discussed my issues with Tamlin, let's talk about Feyre. In the first book, Feyre doesn't confess her feelings for Tamlin until it's too late to lift the curse. This causes her to have to undergo the trials under the mountain and solve Amarantha's riddle. She does so in her final human moments, stating that the answer is "love." The High Lords grant pieces of themselves to save her life and she goes back to the Spring Court as a newly Made fae.
So, you would think, that after everything that happened because she refused to confess her true feelings for Tamlin, she would have learned the value in speaking from the heart. But then, in ACOMAF, she, once again, doesn't tell Rhys how she feels. They both dance around their feelings, and in Rhys case, I totally get it. He's felt the mating bond, he's fallen in love with her, but as far as he knows, she's still in love with Tamlin. And then when they go to the Summer Court, she tells Tarquin that he would "be very easy to love." Talk about a low blow to poor Rhys. She can fall in love with Spring and Summer, but his Night is unlovable. Ouch.
But she does love him. And at first, I get it, she's still torn up over what happened with Tamlin. She feels like she should feel guilty, but she doesn't. As the writer I alluded to in my last post wrote, in some ways, it's like Amarantha was right about humans and their fickle hearts. So, I understand why it takes her a while to confess those feelings.
Yet, she's handed the perfect opportunity when they're at the tavern in the attic room, and instead she tells Rhys she wants "fun, a distraction." And then has the nerve to wonder if it's possible he doesn't see the lie for what it is. At this moment, I wanted to reach through the pages and shake her. She was so hurt and so upset when Tamlin didn't listen to her, didn't acknowledge her feelings, didn't take her at her word. And now, when someone does, she wonders how he can't see the lie. I just...WTF? You cannot have your cake and eat it too, Feyre!
And then she finds out about the mating bond, and that Rhys didn't tell her. Fair. She's upset, she's angry, she's hurt. He kept something from her, just like Tamlin. I understand where her mind goes here. But when she goes to that cabin in the mountains, when she starts to miss Rhys, she doesn't reach out to him, or to Mor to come get her and bring her back. She doesn't apologize. Rhys instead comes to her and shares his whole story. And what does she do when he's done? She puts a bowl of soup in front of him after he tells her he loves her and tells him to eat. OMFG Feyre! (I know that this is representative of an acceptance of the mating bond, but she doesn't SAY anything to confirm that she accepts it).
Yes, in the next chapter, they talk, she finally says it, but only after he prompts her. Then they have sex and everything is happy. But like, her inability to voice her feelings, after everything she went through Under the Mountain, after knowing the cost of not doing so with Tamlin. It was like her character arc in the first book was tarnished, or never happened. It was like she learned nothing from that experience. And yes, I get that she was confused at first, about her feelings, about Tamlin, and still processing what happened to her. Yet, at the same time, she was clearly feeling something, and instead of examining it, instead of working through it, she ignores it. If anyone should have learned the value of voicing their feelings, it's Feyre.
If it stopped there, and she was more open with her feelings, I think I wouldn't be so irritated. But there are other instances where he says it, and she just...doesn't respond. And he even kind of calls her out on that. When he says in ACOWAR that he "dreamed" she would one day say that to him. She has said it, at least once, in ACOMAF at the cabin, but she doesn't say it very often. When they're facing the High Lords and she attacks Beron, Rhys says it into her head, twice, and she doesn't respond.
But the moment that really gets me, is when they're repairing the cauldron at the end of ACOWAR. I know she doesn't understand that he's saying goodbye. I know that she's concentrating on fixing the cauldron, saving their world. Still, would it have taken that much effort to send back a simple "I love you, too" in that moment? After everything they faced, she couldn't just say it, through the bond, one time?
The best part is, she then harps on other people not expressing their feelings. She spent a long time in ACOWAR obsessing over Mor/Azriel and Nesta/Cassian. She calls out Mor for not being more honest with Az, and I'm just over here thinking "pot, this is kettle..." She literally invades Lucien's mind to understand his feelings for Elain. I just...for someone who struggles with voicing their feelings often, she has a lot of nerve to judge other people for it.
And then, there's the whole thing with writing Tamlin notes. I agree with the Tamlin fans that he deserved more than a short letter in ACOMAF, but I also think he deserved more than a two line note for literally saving her at the war camp when they rescued Elain and Rhys by helping to bring him back to life. I understand, again from reading reviews and spoiling* things for myself, that she and Rhys are still treating Tamlin like shit in book 4. Which...I'm curious to see why, though the reviews don't seem to imply there was much point other than to be jerks.
I'm not saying she should have gone to see him. Based on his refusal to even look at her at the meeting to determine the new world, I don't think it would have gone well. I don't trust that Tamlin would have controlled his temper. But, a longer letter, where maybe she explains some things that happened, and gives more than a blanket apology, like she did in ACOMAF during the scene with the cauldron and Hybern. And maybe he chooses not to read it. Maybe he burns it, or rips it to shred in a rage. But at least we could say that she tried. At least, we could say that she acknowledged his feelings while also voicing her own in a safe, healthy way. I would have a lot more respect for her character if she had given him the decency of an apology and a more heartfelt thank you for all he did and sacrificed for her.
It doesn't excuse the things he did that hurt her, and I'm not even saying she should forgive him for those, though...I do think she should forgive him for herself. He doesn't need to know she forgives him, but for her well-being, her own ability to move on, forgiveness is important. There's a quote that says something like "Forgiving you doesn't mean what you did wasn't wrong. Forgiving you means that I won't let what you did hurt me anymore." Sometimes, forgiveness is more about the forgiver than the forgivee.
I'll admit, I'm not as driven to read the next two books in the series as I was to read the first three. The reviews are very mixed, and I'm not sure how I feel about reading a book about Nesta. I don't hate her, like a lot of people seem to, but...I'm just not as invested in her story, her character. I'd much rather read about Azriel or Mor or Lucien...or hell even Tamlin. Since so much of ACOWAR was Feyre telling her sister's stories, I don't really feel the need to focus on them. I'd much rather branch out into the other side characters of the inner circle and beyond.
*honestly, I never really mind spoilers because, as a writer, I'm more more interested in how the author gets to the things that are spoiled than the actual events themselves. So, reading something I spoiled is still interesting as I love seeing how the author brings the reader there.
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