Love and Other Words

 This is the second book in a few weeks that had me fully invested in the story up until the last 25%, and then I wanted to throw it against the wall. But this one was so much worse for so many reasons.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

First, I picked up this book because a former critique partner recommended I read it. I don't know why I listened to her after she basically trashed my story because it was "triggering" for her. I've completely changed the story now to focus more on the emotional journey of the female protagonist in dealing with the loss of her mother, but the version the CP read was more of a second chance romance between two former high school sweethearts.

Why was it triggering for her? Because she's still in love with her high school boyfriend even though they're both married. And somehow they're still friends. Some of the book is loosely based off my own high school relationship, but it's not about wish fulfillment or because I'm still in love with him. I'd say it's part apology for the way our tumultuous relationship ended, and also a significant part of the MC's emotional journey in the aftermath of her mother's death.

Anyway, one of the things the CP had issue with (and that I did actually change) was that the female protagonist has a boyfriend, and several people didn't love that she was having all these emotional feelings toward her ex while still in a committed relationship. So, after she read (and trashed) my book, she recommended this one to show how the authors had handled phasing out the MC's fiancé and phasing back in the old flame.

I don't think we read the same book or, at least, I don't think we read it the same way. Let me lay out the characters and a brief synopsis before we dive in. Macy is the main character and we are in her POV through the entire novel. Her fiancé is Sean. Her ex is Elliot. She and Elliot were friends, then lovers as they were intermittent neighbors for years after Macy's father bought a vacation home right next to Elliot's only home. Something happened between them that drove them apart and caused them to not speak for 11 years. We literally don't find out what that event was until almost the very end.

Honestly, Sean, the fiancé, was a plot device to keep Macy and Elliot apart, and Macy even acknowledges that at one point in a rather meta way. To make it worse (or perhaps in the authors' mind, plausible), Sean had a daughter and that was why he had sort of kind of but not really "proposed" to Macy—because his daughter thought they should get married. But then, Sean had almost no reaction to Macy reconnecting with her old flame, and the daughter isn't even mentioned at all when the Macy inevitably moves out.

The authors gave themselves a great way to make this more of a love triangle and to pull on our heartstrings by making the daughter a bigger deal. They even had Elliot point out how maybe Macy was sticking around because she didn't want the daughter to grow up like she had, without a mother. This would have made a more compelling story and given more credence to the separation from Elliot. Macy could have fallen in love with the daughter, even if her feelings for Sean were lukewarm at best. It still could have allowed her and Elliot to do their emotional love dance, but with bigger stakes for why they couldn't be together. But that's not what happened, and as I said, Macy doesn't even seem to say goodbye to the daughter before she moves out.

So, anyway, after she breaks up with Sean, she still uses him as a buffer before finally coming clean about the break up. And honestly, this I get. Elliot literally broke up with his long time girlfriend the night after he first saw Macy again. This was a major red flag for me. It reminded me uncomfortably of Skipper and Miranda from Sex and the City. I assume Elliot didn't break up with his girlfriend in the middle of sex like Skipper did, but it just made Elliot seem unstable. And then the fact that he basically ambushes her outside of her job also made me cringe. I wouldn't want to admit I'd broken up with my fiancé either based on Elliot's past behavior.

But what really stretched believability for me was the whole "Macy's dad died and none of Elliot's family knew." People in various reviews/discussions have said that the family's only connection was the vacation home. That Macy's dad wasn't overly social (though he was at some huge black tie affair on NYE before he died, so he must have had some connections).

First, let me say that I've been through a similar situation, and it is not really that hard to find out what happened to someone. Case in point: when I was born, my family lived in a different town from the one I grew up. We were neighbors with a family of four and our families became fast friends. So much so that when we moved away, we still saw them at least annually around Christmas. I don't recall exactly when the annual visits stopped, but I imagine it was a combination of us all getting older and my parents inevitably separating.

Anyway, my mother died before social media, and really, before cell phones were prominent. But somehow, those former neighbors found out about it, and they came to the funeral. We weren't really in touch anymore aside from Christmas cards. There were no Facebook posts. But there was an obituary which, if you search my full maiden name, is still the top Google search result, 20 years later.

So, no, I don't believe that Elliot's family would have remained in the dark for 11 years. Her father died in a pretty major car accident, which probably made the news, even in some small way. And if Elliot really loved her so much and was frantic to find out what happened, why wouldn't he have Googled her before he ran into her that day? And when he did Google her after he saw her, I can't believe there wasn't some mention of her father's death in those results. I simply don't buy it. OR when Macy told him her father had died, why wouldn't he have looked that up? Why wouldn't he have wanted to know how long ago that happened, and maybe put two and two together? It doesn't make any sense.

It's also weird that Elliot thought her father didn't return to the beach house because Elliot broke Macy's heart. Of course, her father would be angry, and upset on his daughter's behalf, but seriously? That's prime real estate. If he hadn't died, I can't imagine he would have just never returned. So, this also stretches credibility. Or, at the very least, it makes Elliot seem rather immature and stupid, which is not how his character was portrayed throughout the rest of the book.

OK, so now that we got through that major issue, let's talk about some of the other major issues. The authors just kind of gloss over Elliot being sexually assaulted by a "friend." This makes me think two things: Elliot lied and used his drunkenness to cover up the incident with "I thought it was you" OR Elliot was raped and the authors didn't give it the attention it deserved. 

I will give the authors a little more leeway here because I think every person gets to define what happens to them. I know of people who refuse to say they were raped or sexually assaulted because they don't want to think of themselves as a victim. So maybe they say they were "pressured into sex" and finally "gave in," which implies it was consensual even though, to an outsider, it was clearly coerced. I don't think it's fair to judge people who do this as it is a coping mechanism.

So perhaps Elliot thinks Emma was also drunk and it was just a mistake and not an assault. It's not clear if they ever discussed it afterward or if Elliot ever confronted Emma. Plus it's weird that Emma didn't stop when Elliot allegedly called out Macy's name (though he sounded enthusiastic otherwise, so maybe she thought it was a slip?), which also gives some credence to the idea they were both drunk. Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. And I hope that Elliot did confront Emma and hashed things out, but as it wasn't addressed in the book, I'll never know.

But it does lead into my next point. Both of these people need copious amounts of therapy. To pine for someone for 11 years isn't healthy. I understand Elliot never got closure, but sometimes we don't. Sometimes people disappear from our lives without explanation and while it hurts, we aren't entitled to their time or their reasons. Had Elliot gone to therapy, he might have worked through his feelings about the whole situation (including whether or not he wanted to label it as sexual assault) and thus been able to move forward with another woman. Maybe he'd always hold a soft spot for Macy and, upon seeing her again, it reopens his heart, but I think if he had worked through everything, he might not have randomly dumped his girlfriend after a 2 second reunion.

I know it mentioned in one of the last chapters that Macy did go to therapy, but it's mentioned in passing and it's not clear for how long she went. She had three major traumatic experiences at a young age. I absolutely think she coped the best she could, but I think she would have done better with a lot of therapy.

Next, can we talk about how manipulative it felt for Elliot to say something along the lines of "you're not here, so who else am I supposed to kiss?" I'm sorry, do what now? If you have strong feelings for someone, even with the teenage hormones raging, maybe...don't go fool around with another girl? Or maybe don't tell the girl you have the strong feelings for that you did? Let's be real. Macy made it clear they were friends before she kissed him and that she wasn't comfortable moving to more because she didn't want to lose his friendship (and her fears were valid based on all that happened on NYE and the next day). So, he wasn't cheating on her with these other girls, and he didn't owe her an explanation about how it allegedly "didn't mean anything." But to basically throw it back on her as if it's somehow her fault? "You won't make out with me, but they would." 

What even is that? And then to challenge her to kiss him and then get frustrated when she realizes she moved too fast and isn't comfortable? I got irritated with Macy's two steps forward five steps back dance, but at the same time, I felt like a lot of forward movement was only after Elliot made some comment to challenge her. This girl lost her mother and has a very small social circle. It's completely understandable that she doesn't want to rock the foundation she has with Elliot even though she clearly has strong feelings for him.

And this is why part of me wonders if there was really more to the Emma/Elliot relationship than is discussed in this book. Which is why I think a lot of people buy into the whole he cheated version of the story and completely miss the assault. 

But honestly, as much as I appreciated how the authors were trying to tie the backstory into the present situation, I didn't love feeling like I was reading a YA and adult romance novel simultaneously. It may have helped if the events sort of mirrored the present or explained the present a bit more. Like, for instance, I started watching Once Upon A Time recently, and at least for the first two seasons, the writers have done an amazing job at weaving the things that happened in the Enchanted Forest with the current timeline in Storybrooke. We learn things as we need to know them to set the scene for the next reveal. That's not how this book was written.

Because I liked the first 75% of this book, I've wavered on how to rate it. I've given it three stars mainly because I hate giving books less than that, even when I don't like them. As an author myself, I understand how much goes into writing a book and I want to recognize that effort. But I hated the ending and it ruined the rest of the book for me.